Open Letter to my Fellow Gym Goers

I have read other people's rants and raves about going to the gym and I thought I would add my rants and raves


1. Here's to you Mr. Yell at the Top of your Lungs Guy

You lift a lot of weight and want people to know it. What better way than to yell/grunt at an ear piercing volume when you complete your set. Science has shown that yelling improves your capacity by 0.2% and by gum, you want every advantage possible. Also, lose the MC Hammer Pants and Bad Boy Muscle Shirt.


2. Here's to you Mr. I use three pieces of equipment at once so don't even ask to work in guy

You need to complete your superset and need three pieces of equipment simultaneously. If someone approaches one of your unused machines you let them know "I have one more set there". In other words, I need to use this equipment sometime tonight and your presence upsets my flow.

3. Here's to you Marathon Mamma

You use the treadmill or eliptical trainer for hours on end. You occasionally reset the timer in case someone takes a look at how long you have been on. In those two hours, you have covered a distance of 2.3 miles. Way to go, tortoise. You're the same person who circled the parking lot for half an hour to find a close spot.

4. Glandular problem guy

Most people sweat at the gym. There is a sign a my gym that says "Sweating is optional. Towels are mandatory". Your body pours sweat from everywhere leaving the machine for the next guy a disgusting mess. There isn't enough Purell in the world to sanitize the bench after you have drenched it in your body fluids. Ewww

5. Multitasker guy

Your workouts can only take up so much of your precious day, so you must continue to talk on the cell phone while working out. You also read the paper and watch TV. You do everything but move on to the next machine so I can do my bicep curls.

Ok enough of that. You get the idea. I could on - naked guy, inappropiate workout clothes lady, smelly old guy, mirror staring guy. I guess there is a good case for working out at home but I think that going to the gym is part of the effort. "I drove all this way. I might as well work out".

In spite of all those annoying people, I managed to work out last night and even did 30 minutes on the eliptical trainer.

Last post, I talked about "Iron Horse" as a metaphor for a train that I never picked up on. My sister commented in the section about a song our mom and grandma used to sing about an iron horse. Choo Choo was an iron horse and he wore an iron shoe. I literally used to picture an iron horse running through a field. I swear the whole train thing never hit me. By the way, Lou Gehrig was known as the "Iron Horse". He played in all of those consecutive games as a Yankee and then ironically enough he was afflicted with "Lou Gehrig's disease". Also a 1924 movie by John Ford was called "Iron Horse" and a winery and a song by Motorhead and a bar in Houston. Viva la Google!